Deep breath and go - 30x30 cm acrylic on canvas
Everybody knows the brave people. Who just do the things. I am not that one. Mostly. I love to live, I would like to, I want to be on my 106th birthday. I have learnt biking without a scratch.
But there are things worth to do even there are steps that are horrifying.
For example, I can not swim in lakes. Once I have almost drown, and this thing is since then. But I love to snorkel. And the sea is worse than the lake. Because there are waves, and the seas are mostly deeper then the lakes available to me.
I know this fear of death quite well. I feel this more often than I guess should be normal. I feel this in speeding cars, I feel this while skiing, when the planes take on and off, and before painting, and I used to have it before deadlines.
The worst when I have to trust my own self, that I am able to swim, to stop on a slope, to create a picture what will give pleasure to the audience.
I can manage that I will not die if the speed limit is 30 km/h and we travel with 35 km/h, and I know that plane accidents are rare, and the deadlines with time became just milestones and since I do not have more tasks than what I can manage, deadlines just the part of life to organise the life around.
The last time I have seen the sea, was on our honeymoon, unfortunately when one of my best friends' funeral had taken place in Prague.
And I had longs sits by the sea, and wishing farewell to someone who brought me freedom.
I have lost more important people than I could ever accept, but I had to learn important things. Like coping with great loss. Heavy burden. Important to talk about, to ease the loss for others. Not about my solution, about any solutions.
Giving the time was important. Changes need time. Pain needs time. Silence needs time. Getting ready for others needs time. Being just a sole entity needs time. Healing takes time.
In the first position I like that it is like arriving to the shore from the deep seas.
But if one flips the thing, will stand on the shore before the big waters to take the first step.
Let me know the direction you chose! :)